When I was getting ready to come home from my mission, many said that it would be hard. And I knew it would be. But nothing could have prepared me for what was ahead. The first several months were great and I was happy. But then it hit me. I have felt so alone and like I don't have that great of a purpose. I know that I have a purpose but I feel as though, in the real world, I am not needed that much. You see as a missionary, everyone knows you and wants to be around you. When you come home though, everything has changed and it seems as though no one is there like they were before.
Tonight has been hard and I am not sure why it is harder than other nights. As I was sitting her crying, I knew I had to get on my knees. I know that no matter how alone I am, there are many who stand beside me. Number One is my Father in Heaven and His son Jesus Christ. They are always there for me. I think about the Savior in the Garden of Gethsemane. Even His closest friends couldn't stay awake and be beside Him. He went through that moment so that He could comfort people like me. He knows about loneliness. Even in our darkest hour, He is there. We just need to find Him.
I know that when I feel alone I need to stop and feel His love. Today it was in the warmth I felt on such a cold day. I can feel it now as I write this. His love emanates through word and action as I kneel down and pray. It can be felt as I hold the pillow that my Grandma used to sleep on when she would come and stay at our house. I feel it as I listen to beautiful music. I can feel it as I use my talents to create something new. I can feel His love as He puts a smile on my face even though it is hard. I can see it in the beautiful sky and mountains. I see it in the faces of the pictures that are hanging in my room. Everyday the Lord shows me that He loves me, that He wants me to keep going, and that He will carry me when I fall.
I feel like the young women in the painting above and below. I will cry on His shoulder and I will remember that His arms are around me continually. If you are reading this, please know that you are not alone. Just as I am continually finding out what my specific mission is here on earth, I beg you to find yours. Remember that He is always there with His arms wrapped around you. Look for how He is showing His love to you today!
Picture by David Bowman.
2 comments:
Hi dear Jody! I read this late last night when I couldn't sleep. Thanks for writing this, it was really encouraging to me! Writing that blog post was one little mission you fulfilled if just for me to be uplifted from it. Sometimes it may be hard to feel like your life has a great purpose. But I think that you, Jody, often fulfill a purpose in someone else's life with out even knowing it. You might spend a few minutes talking to someone, or do some nice thing for someone else, and they might forget to thank you but it made a difference to them. And all of those things add up to something great. That's what our Grandma's life was all about. And I think you are following in her footsteps, sometimes without even knowing it. I don't often remember quotes from the apostles, but I've always remembered what James E. Faust said once:
"You can do something for another person that no one else ever born can do."
Jody. I read your post and had to comment. Read this talk. I think it will change your perspective a little.
http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=50e4759235d0c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD
It's hard to come home from being a celebrity as a missionary. Everyone accepts you with little or no effort. I remember having the members just loving my presence and wanting to have me around. The reality is: your popularity will decrease because there isn't that cushion of being a missionary to help you. You have to create your own connections.
The real point of life is that it is challenging. Even for the righteous, there are challenges in place. It is the only way we learn. The best thing to do is meet these challenges head on and don't worry about the outcome. Be grateful for what you have, and always be grateful for opportunities. Making friends is hard and feeling accepted is hard. However, the one thing you can control is your attitude. Don't be so concerned about failure, and don't be so preoccupied with what you don't have. So many things we have in this world are superficial and cause misery. WE often say that if we had more money, or more brains, or more friends we would be happier. Happiness comes to those who choose to be happy today regardless of circumstance. I think you have the potential to improve others lives by being happy. So many deal with their own problems that they don't want to be with people who share their problems with them. We will always have problems and deal with trials, but we can choose to be happy even through the hardest times. Hope this helps.
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